That which slips through the cracks

Shuen sighed and shook his head. "If you were in my world...you would understand. It has more to it than her simply having more than me...it is a deep rooted hate that was in me before I was even born into hell...since our families were young and we were not even conceived yet....this hate is something you could never hope to understand....though I wish it were possible...." he said before he picked the book back up to begin reading again.

Even as he read, he couldn't help but smile. He had let him stay because he wanted company. Well, it wasn't exactly what Shuen had wanted...but it was a step in the right direction.

Keyon shurgged and sighed. "Your right I don't know what it's like to be born to hate something or someone." he said as he turned and let him get back to reading walking off into the mansion to continue on with his day he was soo dreading speaking with the Countess of Wilshire.

He walked through the halls and back to his study, taking a deep breath as he walked into the room and sat down only to look up and pause when he realized he had company one was Cecilia the other was....a stunning man with black hair and red eyes who bowed slightly.

"Can I help you?" Keyon said lowly.

The held out the letter to send it through the mail to a Duke or dutchess would be, beyond rude. And the family he worked for was not rude.

"I am Sebastian Michaelis butler of the Earl of Phantomhive. My young master is inviting all here to attention a Yule Tide ball at the end of the month and would be honored if you would join us." he said as he bowed.

Keyon looked at him and red the time and date of the invite and he and his staff. "We'll be attending myself and my staff a party of three."

The man bowed at the waist and at Keyon's nod turned to go with Cecilia showing him the way out. A Yule Tide ball.....that would mean appropriate clothes for both Cecilia and Shuen. As well as himself. That ought to be interesting.......

Shuen sighed and closed his eyes. He was getting tired to reading...so very tired of reading. After a while, his mind began to wander. Thoughts of Keyon, thoughts of him and Keyon... everything just seemed to assault his mind all at once and he felt himself slowly start to become aroused.

He sighed and closed his eyes and put the books over on his desk and sat down on his bed. This...was indeed a problem that needed to be taken care of. Other wise.... he would be sore for the next few days which wasn't good, especially considering the fact that Keyon wanted him to work.

So, without any hesitation, he undid his pants and let himself lay back on the bed and closed his eyes as his hand slid into his pants. He let out a soft gasp as he did. The image of Keyon kept flooding into his mind and nothing he did would block it.

Eventually, things led to him ending up on his knees and his clothes being thrown on the floor, his eyes closed as he moaned and his continued to pleasure himself, his hand coming around to his backside and two of his fingers slipped in he gasped, and then moaned as he began to move them.

Awful. He was awful for not being able to control himself.

Keyon had gotten up to inform Shuen but this was going to have to stop he couldn't keep stopping working because Shuen didn't like dealing with Cecilia if he was going to stay here and work and earn his keep then he'd have to get used to it and walked up to the room pausing as he had knocked and entered all in the breath.

He stared a moment wide eyed at the sight a heated flush creeping into his cheeks as he mumbled something of an appology and closed the door before walking off through the halls unprepared for that he was unprepared and rushed past Cecilia his long hair billowing out behind him as he rushed back to his room and slammed the door his hand hitting his bed as he rested there looking at the sheets.......so totally unprepared for that at the knock he turned his head. As Cecilia bowing entered.

"Is something wrong young master?"

Keyon shook his head and looked at her, she sighed and walked over as he grabbed her and held on burrying his facein her shoulder. He did this often as a child and didn't think anything of it feeling her fingers running soothingly through his hair again. Unprepared and didn't know how to handle it. When stuff like that normally frightened him witless. How he made it back he wasn't sure.

Shuen's head had jerked up when he heard Keyon enter the room and he looked away in shame. It had been him that he was thinking about while he did this. He hadn't even meant to...

He sighed and closed his eyes. He had no choice now, he had to at least finish. And even as he did, all he thought about was Keyon and how he had saw him like this. He felt himself blush as he sat there, breathing heavily and covered in sweat.

Eventually...he had to face him. But for now....he just couldn't bring himself to do it. So instead, he just lay back on his pillows and curled up into a ball.

Keyon sighed he had things he had to do today and left his room Cecilia going off to make him some tea now that he had calmed down and returned to his office looking over paperwork forcing his mind to focus on it or else wander back to what he walked in on and blush madly before turning a shade of red and shook his head. 'Enough' he thought irritated with himself he had to focus on these business documents.

Cecilia sighed as she went about making Brandy Snaps and a nice Formosa Oolong Peach Tea to go with it. Shaking her head as she worked Shuen was causing problems already even if he didn't mean to. It did make things both troublesome and interesting at least.

He didn't know how many days he had spent avoiding Keyon, but it had been enough to where it had began to weigh heavily on his mind. But even then...Keyon had hidden himself in the estate and he couldn't, or rather, decided it would be best not to, find him.

After that, it would be amazing if Keyon ever looked at him again. He sighed and wiped away the sweat that had started to run down into his eyes. He had learned the languages with a lot of effort and parctice, and was currently gardening.

When he was done, he stood up and looked down at his clothes and sighed. They were smeared with dirt and so was his face no doubt. He shook his head and went into the house. He walked through the doors and came to stop as he saw Keyon and quickly turned his attention away. He wouldn't bother him...not until he was ready to face him on his own terms.

Keyon looked at him seeing him covered in dirt and blinked a moment before turning files in hand and moving off he didn't have the nerve to say anything to him, it wasn't that he wanted to roll around in the sheets it was that he kept seeing it and the more he saw it the more he wanted to run and hide. Maybe it was childish but he hadn't been ready to see Shuen in such a state.

Keyon turned and walked off seeing him covered in dirt had been cute a human sorta of cute. And shook his head as he walked off ot his office he couldn't take this right now. He had to find a way to find his center. Keyon took a deep breath as he walked into his office set the file down and sat down in his chair spinning it around to stare out the window. Dropping his face in his hand. He wasn't ready for a relationship and while he didn't mind the company in the estate he didn't need this right now, he barely knew Shuen and to see him like that.......oh how his dreams had been twisting into a macarbe nightmare the last couple of nights.

Shuen sighed and went to his room and grabbed some clean clothes before going to take a shower. Once he was done, he got dressed and went back to the entrance with a bucket of water and a scrub-brush in hand.

He sighed before he got down on his hands and knees and began to scrub the floor clean of his mess. Before he realized it, he had began to sing.

"Why cant they let me be?
Why don't I know what I am?
I force this hate into my heart cause its my only friend.
My lips are sewn shut, I watch myself bleed.
They push and pull me and its killing me within."

That part of the song had always been his favorite. Maybe it was because it explained him and how he felt. Whatever the case, he had sang until after this part. This part always made him fall silent because it made him think about himself.

Cecilia walked through no doubt in the quiet mansion Keyon heard him but he was having his own troubles these days. She paused looking down at Shuen but only because he was currently scrubbing the floor on hands and knees. She rose an eyebrow "Not that you want to hear me." she said a bit dryly. "But we do have a mop for that....it saves on your clothes." She looked at him and stepped down to walk off certain that no matter how much time passed Shuen would continue to hate her despite Keyon's acceptance of him.

Shuen had paused and looked up at her and sighed before he went back to scrubbing the floor.

"Ever think that maybe I like it down here in this position?" he asked lowly, wiggling his butt a little. It was a playful suggestion, and was the first thing that Shuen had said to Cecilia in days, and for once, it wasn't something mean or hateful.

He wasn't always rude...even to people he hated or didn't like. He had just been put in really bad moods by things lately. But now, for Keyon's sake...he would try to be less rude and cold.

Cecilia blinked when he said that and wiggled flirting with her in a playful manner. She shook her head. "Mmm I suppose the views at least nice." she said lightly back shaking her head. She looked at him and sighed shifting as she turned to take the linen's back. "But that postion is usually one begging to be spanked." she said coyly as she glanced over her shoulder. Cecilia smiled with her back to him he wasn't into girls she knew that but it was still fun to goof around once and a while.

Shuen shook his head. "View or no view...nothing about me is nice really..." he said lowly, and the moment he realized he said it, he instantly regretted ever even opening his mouth to speak the first time.

He sighed and put the scrub-brush back in the bucket of soapy water and sat back on his knees. Boy had he screwed up. Telling the person that he hates anything about himself at all.... What an idiot he was.

"Now, if you'll excuse me..." he said lowly as he got up and picked the bucket up off the floor. "I'm going to go empty this water and go back to my room...."

She sighed as she looked at him shaking her head. "Your wrong you know." she said as he started to gather the bucket to head back to his room. "If there wasn't anything about you that wasn't nice, you wouldn't worry so much about the Young Master." She said as she stood there poised to go put the linens away. Cecilia closed her eyes she knew he hated her and perhaps if she left things the way they were, he'd give up or do something incredibly stupid and get kicked out.

Cecilia sighed as she closed her eyes. "Look I know you wish I was dead because I'm in your way." she said a bit bluntly and looked at him. "But the fact remains he saw something in you, Something he wanted around and if it was the fact that you were nothing but cruel and uncaring he wouldn't.....he got enough of that in a short period of time as a child he's not foolish enough to think that there are pure creatures out there but he's not soo blind to not see you." She said and sighed. "Now if you'll excuse me I have linens to put away and lunch to make....wither or not you listen to me is up to you, but consindering the words come form the one being you hate the most in this world well I doubt you'll listen to me anyways." she said shaking her head and moving to walk down to put away the clean linens.

"And so are you...you're wrong to believe that I hate you because of him, because you're the one contracted to him...no...actually....my hate runs deep from nearly anyone who even looks in my direction..." he said lowly as he turned the upper part of his body to look at her.

"Most of my problem is rooted deep within my past....the other half is well...just who I am...I have a worse attitude towards people than Keyon does..." he said and turned back around to stare ahead.

"Not many people can even get as close as he has to me....or even you...though your closeness is only because of him, it is still something that not many, if any at all, can do..."

Cecilia looked over at him she could accept that she was wrong about him but at the same token. "The longer I spend out here among them the more and more I realize just how sad our existance is. A world full of anger, hunger and hate. Clawing to the top." she closed her eyes. "Even if it is for an eye blink I do not want this game to end too quickly...." She said lowly although Shuen may pick up on....she didn't want it to end although it was crazy she wasn't concerned with when or if she ate him.....only that......"Treasonous words for a demon.....but even one of our kind can find peace here."

Shuen sighed and shook his head. "Perhaps you can...but there is no such thing as peace for someone like me...." he said lowly before he began walking, and waved over his shoulder as if he was simply saying goodbye to a friend.

He had done as he had been asked and was nicer to Cecilia. How long that would last would depend on how much more his moods shifted.

Cecilia watched him a moment before walking off her heels once again a lonely sound against the tiled floor putting the linens away before going to the kitchen to prepare lunch. She moved about dancing through the room. ......you can...but there is no such thing as peace for someone like me..... She closed her eyes she had thought the same thing once perhaps with time he'd find something else but the question was as she danced about the kitchen did they have that kind of time?

Shuen had went back to his room and had been sitting on the side of his bed for nearly an hour, head in his hands and his mind repeating the same words over and over. 'You're useless...no human would ever want to be contracted to someone like you. No sane being would want to form any kind of bond with the likes of you Irrita.'

He shook his head trying desperately to get the words out of his mind. He closed his eyes, squeezing them shut as tightly as possible and dug his claws into his scalp. "No....shut up..." he pleaded lowly, his voice sad and wavering.

Finally, after pleading over and over, he stood up and without thinking, ran his fist into the stone wall, screaming, "Shut up!"

They say one can be born with incredibly bad timing and Keyon was certain he had it lately in troves. He looked at Shuen as he slugged the stone wall then at the stone wall and back at him hearing him shouting shut up. He had gotten the nightmares to go away. He had made Cecilia stay in the room until they did she was something of a security blanket for him.

Keyon walked into the room puling loose his slik ascot seeing the bloodied knuckles while he knew that he was a demon not likely to get an infection and they would heal quickly enough he still grabbed his hand and sighing wrapped it in the silk. "It would seem I have a bit of bad timing these days always when you seem to be dealing with something personal." he said lightly as he finished wrapping his hand off and shook his head. "Shuen....it hasn't changed your still welcome to stay here, this estate is your home so long as you want to be here."

Shuen looked at Keyon and felt them, without any control at all, start falling one by one. He felt Keyon holding his hand and wrapping it up but more importantly, Keyon had finally come to talk to him.

This wasn't how he had wanted to be...and even though he was a demon, things just felt like they were completely wrong and out of balance. For the first time since he had met Keyon, without any second thoughts, any hesitation at all, Shuen moved closer to Keyon and just let his head come to rest on his shoulder.

"This has nothing to do with you...and...I'm sorry..."

Keyon sighed and shook his head bringing his hand up to place it comfortingly to the back of Shuen's head he remembered.....others doing this for him to offer comfort up to and including Cecilia. But he doubted Shuen cared about that. He ran his fingers comfortingly through Shuen's hair as he stood there. "It's alright." he said softly and it was everyone had there own issues to deal with and Keyon was no exception to that.

Shuen shook his head and tried to gather himself up as much as possible before he spoke again. "No...it isn't. I've made you afraid of me twice now...and it doesn't seem like I'll be able to stop...but not only that....I've managed to unearth some things about myself that I had thought were long forgotten....some things that hasn't plagued me since I was young...." he said lowly and closed his eyes.

"But...what's worse...is I've been a complete ass to you, to your maid...to everyone around me....and I can't control myself at all..." he said lowly before he pushed away from Keyon, fearing that he would indeed be unable to control himself.

Keyon sighed. "We all have skeletons in our closets that leave us with heavy burdens." he said softly. "I'm human we tend to frighten easily wither that is actions of each other or another or even our own. I'm strong enough to bounce back."


Keyon looked at him as he ran his fingers through Shuen's hair. In comfort but closed his eyes a moment before shaking his head. "Your also trying, you did the gardening earlier cleaned up the mess left when you came in, attempted to cook. All things take time healing, learning, finding something better and making changes in one's life nothing happens over night." He said softly. But Shuen and Cecilia had all the time in the world he himself? Not soo much. Only as much as a human did and only until the day someone killed him. Although Cecilia was determined to see him live on to a ripe old age.

Shuen shook his head and looked away, towards the hole that he had made in his wall. "I haven't gotten any skeletons in my closet...I've just got a really fucked up past...." he said in both disgust and hurt. It was true. He had been young and just...utterly tortured. He closed his eyes and frowned as he thought about it.

"The only thing I'm trying to do...is to keep my mind away from the things that I want...from the things that hurt, the things that make me sick...I just want to keep it away and try to..." he paused though. He realized that he didn't really know what he was trying to do. What was he trying to do?

He let his gaze finally come to fall on Keyon once again and sighed. That's what he was trying to do. He was trying to..."Make you happy..." he said aloud but quickly looked down at his feet when he realized that he had said it out loud so that Keyon could hear.